Tamara Silversten

(For additional info about me and more pictures you can visit my primary profile at http://www.profileslive.com/slprofiles.asp?id=4753 by the way.)

[News: I currently can't run Second Life anymore (and pretty much anything else that needs some memory, cpu and gfx power) as recently my own PC has completely died on me. -_- All I have now to write this is a far too weak backup computer that lags, chokes and crashes barely running the operating system. I will have to be patient until replacements arrives that a good friend has offered to get for me. I am very very grateful for that as my family can barely afford living and I would be indefinitely cut off from my online life without the help, however it will likely still take a few months until I have a functional pc again.
P.S.: I've been trying text-only viewers but being blind sucks big time and they are garbage coding works compared to proper viewers, each lacking different basic features and so I am only using them for emergency IMing.]

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Prologue:

Greetings, thanks for stopping by and for your interest.
No really... actually having people care about reading profiles seems to be rare so ..thank you for bothering to read.
This space will be edited step by step as I find the concentration for writing. That's how I handle most texts. I often rephrase to improve content and readability.
Anyways on with the profile!

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"The mirror is broken... but the image is strangely clear..."
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Well what to tell of me..


About my gender identity:

Please know that I am not "unspecified" thanks to the gender menu not having a choice for me, but I am in fact a TransGender girl (that is why I have TG attached to my username for easier recognition by others).

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Quote from Wikipedia for better understanding:
"Transgender is the state of one's "gender identity" (self-identification as male, female, both or neither) not matching one's "assigned gender" (identification by others as male or female based on physical/genetic sex).

"Transgender" does not imply any specific form of sexual orientation; transgender people may identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, or asexual; some may consider conventional sexual orientation labels inadequate or inapplicable to them." (The latter being my case as I am only attracted to feminine individuals but of any sex and bisexual does not cut it as definition I think.)
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If you still wonder what my physical sex is, it's a cock. That is why the term transgender specifically suits me instead of transsexual as that would imply desiring a sex change as well to be fully like a biological woman, not only a female body to fit my fem transgender identity and feelings.
But for me anything but my sex is wrong of the damn physical body that I have to endure and which I deny. Therefore my true/real/actual body in SL has the same physical sex still while I get to be the woman I am, in the body that I feel right with myself.

Many people, including many of those who just roleplay as t-girls, know that state of body defined as "shemale" however that is a term made up by the porn industry and can be insulting to some actual transgender girls. It can be insulting because not only can it be reducing to a mere sexual level due to it's pornographic nature (ladies, imagine someone only ever refering to women as a whole as "sluts" or similar) but also in its structure implies that the girl would be actually "male" which is not the case for any real transgender girl no matter if she is already transitioned or still stuck in the wrong physical body like me and many other who don't have the means to become a perfectly passable transgender woman to live in First Life's society. We are women and to refer to an actual T-girl as male is highly ignorant, insulting and hurtful as it is denying our gender identity, feelings and personality based on the false physical appearance we've been born with!
It would be really effin' nice if society could finally realize and accept that transgendered people of many kinds exist and stop thinking in the black&white of their two sexes/genders (in which they also mutilate intersexual children to stick to that image. Grrr)
But I am rambling and ranting. Sorry, I felt like venting some stored up social critique. *takes a deep breath* On with my profile...
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...I was born this way with a fem mind, showing some signs of it in early childhood already (wanting dolls, fasciniation by female clothing,...) but then I had to grow up as a boy and never really fit into that role, feeling different and wrong all those years and not enjoying things which are typical for men and I also never really felt well around them.

After breaking out of this role, that I had been in, making my first clumsy steps with my former equine fursona in Furcadia to express my mind better, I have now after over 20 years finally gotten to my true identity and I live my Second Life as my transgender self as happy as I can be.

Here I can have the body that suits my mind, as well as enjoy my little life a little more and it enables me to be around people after I got struck by a chronic illness about 7 years ago.
An illness which took away most of my life, energy and what was most important almost all of my mental abilities which meant a lot to me, only leaving my knowledge of language completely untouched and forcing me to give up on my scientific education, not being able to concentrate, understand and memorize properly anymore.


About my personality:

I am somewhat of a loner. I also got social phobia under certain conditions so you'll hardly find me in crowds of strangers at gatherings, at parties, doing public speeches, ..you get the idea.

However that doesn't mean I am a hermit and I have a handful of close friends who I hold dear. (Friendships in general I think of as quality over quantity meaning rather to be a deeply involved friend to a few people than just saying "Hi, how are you?" to a ton of people I don't even know much at all. That is simply being friend-ly.)

My friends are my life and mean everything to me. They are all I have and I cherish them. Due to my condition I have little left of an own life and I live through being a part of theirs, through seeing them happy, making them smile and taking care of them as much as I can.
I don't have as much strength as a healthy person unfortunately to spend on being with everyone enough. I wish I did. It's so many places with so many good friends now that it's hard for me to show everyone as much attention and love as I think they deserve.

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I'll feel so free to kidnap this analysis of me from another website since it is a result that really fits for a once unlike the tons of crappy tests one finds thrown around on the internet made by random people that vaguely can be interpreted to match.

"Tamara has an Introverted Intuitive Thinking Perceiver personality commonly referred to as "The Scholar".

About Your Personality Type:
Information is your lifeblood. Without you to research it, analyze it, and store it, the world would be a much more ignorant place. You possess an uncanny ability to mold raw data into original and complex theories that explain how and why things happen. To you, life is a never-ending series of theories that can, and must, be either proven or disproven."
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Condition:

Most things are tough for me to achieve and need willpower to drive me to do them, struggling with my bad condition, if I can do them at all. Even the little things that are supposed to be just for fun or ridiculously easy if being healthy and then the reward for pushing my tight limits is to be in even worse condition for a extended time afterwards. To give an example, after just simply attending to the SLP anniversary party in SL (where I also had suffered a bad sensory overload frying my brain and putting me into psychic suffer for the rest of the night) I needed 5 days to recover to just my normally crappy condition. -_-]

To all of my close friends who show me understanding and bear with my bad condition over these years.. I love you and thank you for being my friends and part of my life. <3

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Quotes:

"I am insane... in a controlled way."
"Zzzzz ..mewmew ... ZzzZzzz ..mewmew"
"Moo, I love you" (Okay I just made that one up)
"Don't be such a shellfish"

"..I need to pick out more quotes"

..Wait! Nuuuuh. That's not a quote. I was just thinking out loud!
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My own motto to live by:

"People who can't go along with each other, shall just stay away from each other"

Something that I have been thinking for years. I leave you alone and you leave me alone. Could save a lot of trouble if people would act that way more often instead of their harassment and harm towards each other. But that's what a lot of people do and if they even put it into public spotlight, that behavior only causes even more grief for even more people who get involved or disturbed.

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About males:
I 'can' get along with femboys who have a sweet personality (who don't seem to be as common here as they were in Furcadia or I never encountered them at the places I visited here at least).
Also, on rare occasion I have found male identities with a genuine female side to them that they live out in SL and which I was compatible with, like some members of my SL family have been actually.

But I am simply not attracted to manly individuals and personality-wise I did not go along well with most of them either due to clashing mindsets.
Machos however I absolutely can't stand with their behavior. Keep that kind of "manliness" to yourself or those girls who like it instead. Thank you very much
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